Facing the FEAR

Another Key of Excellence that helps teens through rough times is Flexibility. Being flexible is all about learning to handle change. It's about getting off what's not working and looking around for what does work. Life has a habit of throwing curve balls from time to time. When situations don't go the way you'd planned, you can stay rigid and stick with behavior that doesn't work anymore - or you can let go and do something different.

Once when we were talking about flexibility, one of the facilitators told the campers about the time she was getting married and expected the perfect wedding - which turned out to be anything but. The room was too hot and her husband-to-be fainted. She explained that even though it wasn't all that amusing when it happened, the situation was saved when they stopped obsessing about how their plans were ruined and instead managed to find some humor in it. It ended up making a good story that they'll be telling their family for years to come.

Campers become aware that flexibility is not about randomly changing things for the heck of it, but about recognizing the behavior or attitude that's keeping things from working the way they want. It's hard to admit when something we're doing isn't working. We get our egos wrapped up in what we're doing. But if we don't like the results we're getting, the only thing we can change is our own behavior.

Everybody's scared of change - even adults. Doing things the same old way feels easier - even when it isn't. It takes courage to face change, whether we choose it voluntarily or have it thrust upon us by circumstances. We fear the unknown - and we often expect the worst. In our program, FEAR stands for False Expectations Appearing Real. Campers are often scared of what could happen if they speak in front of a group, make themselves visible, or put themselves in a position where others might see them fail. But really, what is going to happen? They have a real epiphany when they discover that, most of the time, nothing happens that's worthy of the kind of fear they give it.

What really gives teens a surge of confidence is realizing that when they do something worthwhile in spite of their fears, the fear goes away!

Many also find that some disruptive change leads to something better. They realize that if it weren't for the change, they wouldn't be as strong, or wouldn't have found a new relationship, wonderful neighborhood, or great school. Sometimes change brings opportunities, even though it feels scary or unfair at the time. When they recognize that change may bring all kinds of experiences, not just negative, frightening ones, they're able to face it from a different point of view.

Much of the content of this website is excerpted from the book The Seven Biggest Teen Problems And How To Turn Them Into Strengths - Copyright © 2006 by Bobbi DePorter. All rights reserved. No part of the content of the website may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. SuperCamp®, Quantum Learning® and Learning Forum® are registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark office.