It's an Inside Job

Negative self-image is an inside job. All of these symptoms of poor self-image - bookworming, conformity, masking, and obsession with perfection - are self-inflicted. They're also self-reinforcing. They tend to get harder to reverse over time.

One of the magical things about the process our campers go through is that it's always set in a context of choice. As they come to a deeper understanding of the ways they may be hiding from themselves, they also become deeply aware that they're choosing these behaviors. But if they're the ones choosing to hide behind a mask, that means they can choose to remove that mask whenever they want. They have all the power in this scenario.

The issue of negative self-image looks very different when you view it as a choice instead of a problem. For one thing, it puts the idea in a clearly definable context and keeps it a manageable size. Whatever we focus on expands. Our office accountant, Dawn Nelson, who races cars, explains that in racecar driving most of the accidents occur when drivers round the curves. Many amateur drivers, as they approach the turn, focus all their attention on not hitting the curve - and guess what happens? They smash right into it. More experienced drivers, as they approach the turn, look beyond the curve. When teens or parents view self-image as a major problem, their subconscious mind draws more attention and energy to it, making it loom larger than life.

Young people are empowered when they stop thinking of their self-image as a problem and begin calling it what it is: a choice. Instead of treating it as a big scary obstacle, they can treat it as one more thing to explore, ponder, and turn into whatever they want it to be.

When they realize the power of choice they have in their own lives, they begin to see that the way things are going for them today isn't inevitable. Rather than agonize over their past choices, they can focus on the choices they have before them now.

The painful situations that have caused them to doubt themselves are normal; they're part of life - and there will probably be many more of them in every teen's future. But they can recognize that the way they react to these events is a choice. They can put on a mask or not. They can conform or stick out. They can withdraw or plunge in.

With that power of choice comes an automatic turnaround in self-esteem. Choice is powerful. Control over one's life is energizing. When teens truly understand that they're the ones in the driver's seat of their own lives, you can read it in their posture. They stand taller. They hold their heads higher. They speak with a powerful new timbre in their voices. This is the kind of transformation we live to see in young people.

Much of the content of this website is excerpted from the book The Seven Biggest Teen Problems And How To Turn Them Into Strengths - Copyright © 2006 by Bobbi DePorter. All rights reserved. No part of the content of the website may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. SuperCamp®, Quantum Learning® and Learning Forum® are registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark office.